Delivered January 14, 2007
by Pastor Marilyn Henderson
Once there was a computer software executive who had assigned various software development projects to his team leaders. At the subsequent meeting where each team leader was to report, the executive began with the largest project. The team leader of that project had not gotten much done on it for various reasons and the executive, who hadn't had time for either breakfast or his daily shot of Tim Horton's coffee, wasn't in the best of moods. The team leader was demoted on the spot for not producing the software as the executive required.
Having just closed on a new home for her family and taken on a higher mortgage, the team leader went to the executive after the meeting and pleaded her case. The executive, bolstered by the Tim Horton's coffee and maple donut his secretary had gotten for him, decided to give her another chance and reinstated her to her former position as well as giving her a generous amount of time to finish the original software project.
The team leader went to her team and laid down the law, presenting a timeline for the completion of the project that was much shorter than that given her by her boss. The team, also needing their jobs, worked hard to complete their particular elements of the project within the parameters set by their team leader. One woman, in the process of separating from her husband and trying to keep things going at home for her children, wasn't able to meet her deadlines. After the third missed deadline, the team leader fired her in spite of her pleas.
How would you respond if you were this woman?
Dr. Yoder, a general practitioner of medicine lived with his wife and adopted son, Luke, on the family farm. Their two biological children were grown and no longer living at home. One Sunday afternoon Luke had an uncharacteristic psychotic episode and killed his parents, using a knife from the kitchen. He threatened his cousin, who had the presence of mind to talk him out of killing her, also. The disbelief, shock and grief reverberated through the community and particularly through the Yoder's many friends and Mennonite church family, and was still fresh when we arrived in the community a few months later.
How would you have responded if you had been one of the Yoder's friends?
We are currently thinking about the theme of "Pursuing God's Purposes." It is an exciting theme to think about—being peace-makers, being missional and the wonderful things that can grow out of such purposes such as we were brain-storming about yesterday. A sense of purpose is crucial in order for people to thrive and feel needed.
But God's purposes are not only that we are "doers," in spite of what James 1.22 says—"But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves." Romans 12.2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect." It is God's ultimate purpose that all people—including us—become more like Jesus, more like God. It is God's ultimate purpose to transform us into the women and men God created us to be. We are also to be God's people, a people created in God's image and never in our own, constantly allowing the Holy Spirit to work on this purpose of God's in our hearts—as individuals and as the body of Christ.
As followers of Christ we are "be-ers" as well as "do-ers." Our goal should always be that we become so Christ-like that we respond to each situation we find ourselves in, wherever life takes us, as Jesus would. Our goal is that these responses would be automatic, but our reality is often that it is not automatic. None of us are to this point of complete surrender to and transformation by God. And this is where our difficulty—and our challenge—lies.
As Mennonite followers of Jesus, we should be fairly well-acquainted with Matthew 18. This text is one of the foundations of the Mennonite/Anabaptist belief that we are to be in a healthy and loving relationship with each person in the community of followers to whom we belong—and with all people.
As I studied this week, it seemed to me that, in order to fully understand Mt. 18.15-22, we need to have some knowledge of the previous 14 verses. Chapter 18 begins with the disciples asking Jesus, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? At that point, Jesus chose to place a child in the middle of the group. It is helpful to remember that children, in the time of Jesus, were considered property of their father. The father, according to Roman law, had the right to do with his children what he chose to, and that right or power lasted until the father died. So children, particularly girls, had no say in what they did in life. Their lives were completely at the mercy of their fathers.
Jesus' use of a child as a metaphor for one who worships Yahweh is not new. Remember that the Israelites were often referred to as "children of Israel" in the OT. And so, once more, the disciples are reminded by merely seeing a child that following Jesus does not automatically exalt one to high heavenly position. One must enter the kingdom of God willingly and with no pretensions about who they are. Children are weak or powerless, they are who they are. Jesus didn't have to say a word in order to say a lot by using this metaphor.
And then Jesus says that "unless you change and become like children"—unpretentious, humble, honest about who you are—"you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Jesus goes on to talk about stumbling blocks and that one must do everything possible to get rid of the things in one's life that cause us to stumble. And then we read Matthew's version of the wonderful parable of the shepherd's search for the one sheep that has wandered off. So we, as followers of Jesus, are to be unpretentious and humble. We are to do all we can to get rid of stumbling blocks in our own lives and to avoid being stumbling blocks to others. For Jesus cares about all his sheep, even those who don't follow the leader, who wander off on their own paths, who aren't smart enough to stay with the shepherd.
In these first 14 verses, Jesus acknowledges that there are differences among his followers. While all of us are to "change and become like children," there may be those who are "weaker" than others, less experienced in following Jesus, unable to perceive the result of their words or actions or just not self-aware. This prefaces Jesus' process to deal with conflict, something we are well aware of the need for here at PMC. The Anabaptists have traditionally practiced this type of mutual care. There are a few things that I'd like to share with you about this process. Step #1: "if another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone."
The one who has been offended that is to take the first step. If something was done or said that bothers us or hurts, the onus in on us to initiate the process. We are not to resort to talking about it with someone else. We are to go to the one who hurt us and talk it out.
However, the text says, "If another member of the church sins against you …" How do we know when we've been sinned against or not? It is possible that someone just goofed or forgot or are just being themselves.
Murder is a sin. Malicious or false gossip is a sin. It is not a sin when a family member squeezes the toothpaste out of the middle of the tube. If squeezing the tube from the middle bothers someone else, that person may need to "just get over it." Or if, for instance, a new pastor forgets and skips over a solo in his first wedding, that is not sin. It needed to be talked over with the soloist afterwards, but it is not sin. It would be sin if either the pastor skipped the solo maliciously or if the soloist didn't forgive the pastor his goof and continued to allow hurt feelings to grow.
William Barclay has an excellent suggestion in his commentary on Matthew that may help here. Before going to anyone, the person who feels sinned against should write down what was said and/or done. Eric and I believe it may be helpful in the discernment process to go to a trusted mature follower of Jesus for their assistance. If it is clear that the incident was not sin and merely a perceived slight—a "toothpaste matter"—the person should drop the matter and "get over it."
Perhaps the incident was not sin, merely the other's forgetfulness or nervousness, etc.—"a wedding solo matter." The incident needs to be talked over between the two so that nothing lingers to hinder either person's walk with Jesus and the church. If the incident was sin—the Ten Commandments and Jesus' teaching on our thought life give more clarity on sin—then Jesus' process must be followed.
Once the process has been initiated by the offended person, the responsibility for resolving the issue is on both parties. We are all to "change and become as children … whoever becomes humble like this child …" It may be difficult to hear, but if we are serious about being followers of Jesus and we have offended someone in the church, we must face the truth about who we are before we can continue in the process of becoming what God created us to be.
When both parties can hear each other and come to an understanding, when true forgiveness is asked for and granted, perhaps on both sides, the relationship is restored. It is at this level that we want to deal with conflict—when it is manageable, before it grows out of proportion, spilling over into other relationships and contaminating them. We want to deal with conflict while there is as little damage as possible.
Step #2: But there are occasions when one side may not want to participate in the reconciliation process or see a need for it. At this point the offended party goes to 2 or 3 reliable people in the church and asks them to accompany them to meet with the offender again. Again, it is important for the person who has been hurt to be quite clear in stating the situation and how they felt about it.
Step #3: If there is no reconciliation, no resolution, the matter is taken before the congregation. It goes public and the congregation is informed of the conflict. The matter should be presented to public awareness in a way that resists gossip and invites prayer. From what we've learned so far, this step in the process with the conflict between the de Jong's and Frank and Donna did not happen.
Step #4: If there is still no progress towards reconciliation, the offender's membership may be suspended. This step is always taken with hope—that the offender will allow God to work in their heart and be restored to a new and loving relationship within the body of Christ. In spite of what v. 17 seems to say—"let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector"—let's remember that Jesus had a tax collector and Gentiles as friends. He had lots of hope for such people.
What is the goal of this process? of the chapter? I believe that forgiveness and reconciliation is always the goal of followers of Jesus.
The team leader's team was incensed at the treatment their team member had received and went to the executive with their concern. The executive sent for the software developer and said to her, "I don't understand your lack of compassion for your team member. I gave you another chance to redeem your shoddy work, yet you fired someone else because they had done the work but got it to you 30 minutes late! And, if I understand the situation correctly, the woman was working under extreme duress at home. I don't want anyone with your attitude towards good people working for me. You may go clean out your desk. We'll mail your final check to you."
"So my heavenly Father will also do to everyone of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart." Dr. Yoder's biological children, church family and pastor quickly began to reach out to Luke. The Yoder's son and daughter led the way in expressing their continuing love for Luke and that they did not condemn him. The pastor told me he was visiting Luke as often as he could—one to two times monthly. Others in the congregation were doing likewise.
The out-pouring of love and forgiveness for an "ungrateful murderer" caught the attention of the media, of course. This "phenomenon" was discussed for months on the airwaves, in offices and churches and various groups. How was it that people who had been so grievously wronged could reach out to a murderer in such loving ways? What in the world motivated them to act so differently from most people? Surely some of them had a tiny bit of revenge hidden somewhere!
And maybe they did. It is not within us to once-and-for-all forgive someone of wrong in our own strength. Often some part of the situation plays itself over and over again in our minds. Corrie ten Boom had this same experience:
She could not forget a wrong that had been done to her. She had forgiven the person, but she kept rehashing the incident and so couldn't sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help in putting the problem to rest.
"His help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor," Corrie wrote, "to whom I confessed my failure after two sleepless weeks." "Up in the church tower," he said, nodding out the window, "is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First ding, then dong. Slower and slower until there's a final dong and it stops.
I believe the same thing is true of forgiveness. When we forgive, we take our hand off the rope. But if we've been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn't be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for a while. They're just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down."
And so it proved to be. There were a few more midnight reverberations, a couple of dings when the subject came up in my conversations, but the force -- which was my willingness in the matter -- had gone out of them. They came less and less often and at the last stopped altogether: we can trust God not only above our emotions, but also above our thoughts."
In v. 21 & 22 Jesus tells Peter that forgiveness does not end and that we aren't to stop forgiving, no matter how we feel, no matter how many times someone hurts us. This doesn't mean that we allow ourselves to be a doormat or used or abused. And it is vital that people who find themselves in abusive relationships that become dangerous should not remain there but find a way out.
So what is the point of Matthew 18? The kingdom of heaven, to which followers of Jesus belong, are to live in a state of forgiveness. We all will need to forgive others. We will all need to ask forgiveness of others. And finally, we will need to forgive ourselves.
And we can't forget the bell rope.
Don't hang on to the rope. Hang on to the reality of God's forgiveness and God's power to help us through the difficult times of conflict and the difficult times of reconciliation. And let go of the bells rope.
Petitcodiac Mennonite Church