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Last updated on
Oct. 10, 2003
Caring Community
Delivered August 31, 2003,
by Pastor Werner De Jong
Text: Ephesians 4:15-25
Main Idea: A vital, sustaining factor of deep fellowship within the Christian community is the willingness to care enough to speak the truth to one another.
Purpose: To challenge the listeners to commit themselves to building each other up through the mutual giving and receiving of encouragement, counsel and admonition. To encourage the listeners that such loving, honest communication will help deep fellowship and friendship to grow within the body of Christ, as together they grow into Christ.
Introduction: The New Testament has a wonderful vision for human relationships. It speaks of a community where people are not lonely but are deeply known, where people are not rejected but are warmly accepted, where people are encouraged and challenged to be all that they can be, a community where people care enough to do whatever it takes to help each other achieve their full potential. That community is the church, the body of Christ, whose members are motivated to build each other up with the ongoing grace and love they all receive from God.
Such community is a beautiful gift from God. It is a priceless treasure in a world of impoverished relationships. In a world where so many people are alienated from one another, in a painful world of broken relationships, in a world where people cry themselves to sleep because they are so lonely, the gift of caring community brings us healing and hope. It provides us with strength and motivation to face the future and develop our abilities with confidence. For when we are part of a caring community we know that, wherever life may lead, we are not walking alone, but we are truly walking together. It is a gift not only for us to enjoy, but a gift that God wants us to invite others in to enjoy as well.
Community is a priceless gift, but it is a gift which must be cultivated. If a farmer neglects to cultivate his field, he will have a poor harvest; if we don't consciously work at our relationships, they will not achieve the potential of deep, life-giving, joyful fellowship that God desires, and which builds us up.
Covenant and Commitment: As members of Christ's body, God wants us to value relationships and to do everything possible to maintain them. As it says in Eph. 4:3, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." This is why we renew our church covenant every year, as we will do again next week. When we renew our covenant we mutually reaffirm our desire to do all we can to build one another up, as together we seek to trust and obey Jesus.
To maintain a covenanted community requires great commitment. This is reflected in the covenant we will read again in unison next week. The second paragraph begins like this: "We commit ourselves to each other, the church, to love our brothers and sisters in God's family." Commitment is necessary, because if we are really serious about cultivating deep fellowship, we will need to make tough choices and take some risks. We see that in this morning's scripture reading, when Paul, in writing to the Ephesians, said: "If you as a community want to grow, if you want to mature as believers in Christ, then you must be willing to speak the truth to one another in love." Similarly, in v. 25, Paul wrote: "So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbours, for we are members of one another."
Community requires honesty: These verses highlight the importance of speaking the truth to one another. There are certainly other elements to community life, but a willingness to speak the truth is vital. This word "truth" should be interpreted very broadly to include all that God is doing in Jesus Christ. We tell one another the truth of what God is up to, of God's ongoing action to reconcile all things in Jesus Christ. We remind each other that God is at the centre of the universe, and that our lives revolve around him. That may sound rather vague and general, but it also has specific implications for our community life. We apply "speaking the truth to one another" in this sense: by urging one another to live in such a way that is consistent with God's plan and our wonderful part in it, with God's high and marvellous call upon us, as the community of Christ, to serve our broken world as agents of reconciliation. This will mean a willingness to challenge ourselves to hold to the highest standards of love and godliness. It will mean a willingness to hold ourselves accountable to one another, recognizing that doing so in love will strengthen the bonds that unite us, and help us fulfill God's beautiful vision for our relationships with one another, and with others.
Caring community requires honesty. Truthfulness is absolutely essential for deep fellowship. Speaking the truth in love to one another means having the courage to say the things that need to be said to each other. Sometimes what is required is a word of encouragement, to affirm the truth of someone's faithful use of the gifts God has given them. That is a vital part of what it means to live as a community which speaks the truth. On the other hand, sometimes what is required is a gentle word of correction, which if properly undertaken should also result in encouragement. Yet many Christians today find it particularly hard to engage in this ministry of challenging one another, of keeping one another accountable, or, along a different but similar vein, of doing whatever it takes to restore a broken relationship in the community.
Today I want to be so bold as to suggest that we as a congregation also struggle in this area, although we're certainly not alone in this, probably a majority of churches do. When it comes to conflict our tendency is to avoid it. Yet one of the things we commit to annually as a congregation when we renew our covenant is to help strengthen our community "by giving and receiving counsel and admonition," and, along a different yet similar vein, "by examining strained relationships...and seeking restoration by asking forgiveness or expressing forgiveness." Did you know that every year when the covenant forms are returned, those are the two areas which receive the fewest check marks? I don't say that at all in a judgmental way; I don't know the reason why this is. I know of at least one person who didn't check it off because they weren't sure what it meant. At any rate, it does give one pause to think. So today I want to examine this key area of community life.
Let me begin by saying this: These commitments from our covenant are biblical ideas to the core. We've heard Paul's admonition to speak the truth to one another in love. This morning Mt. 18:15-20 was also read, verses which have always been important for Mennonites, which we call "the rule of Christ." In these verses Jesus commands us to seek reconciliation with a brother or sister who sins against us by going to them and pointing out the fault. Similarly, in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus teaches us that reconciling with someone whom we have hurt takes precedence ever over worship. Listen to his words: "So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift" (Mt. 5:23-24).
Notice how if we combine these verses Jesus always calls upon us to take the initiative in restoring a broken relationship, whether we are the ones who have been hurt, or whether we are the offending party. It doesn't matter, what matters is reconciliation.
Dedication to honesty and accountability in community is also reflected in our Mennonite confession of faith. (See overhead). Article 9 of the Confession reads: "The church is the assembly of those who voluntarily commit themselves to follow Christ in life and to be accountable to one another and to God" (Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective, Article 9, p. 39). Article 14 reads: "When becoming members of the church, believers commit themselves to give and receive counsel within the faith community on important matters of doctrine and conduct" (Confession of Faith, p. 55).
Caring Enough to Speak the Truth: There is no doubt that it can be difficult both to give and receive counsel and admonition. But the Bible places such a stress on these areas because we need each other's encouragement and honesty to be all that we can be. We can choose to speak into each other's lives only when it is easy to do so. But deep relationships will never result from that approach. Skirting problems and differences is not the way to cultivate community. When farmer's work their fields, they don't just scratch the surface. The furrow of the plow has to go deep into the ground, in order to turn it over, to expose the roots of weeds to the sun, and to allow oxygen to work its way into the soil, in order that what is planted may have optimal conditions for growth. That is how it is with our relationships. We must be willing to work our way deeper into each other's lives, never to judge one another, but in order to help each other grow. Taking the easy way out by glossing over problems or ignoring issues may help preserve our comfort level, but it won't lead to the growth of deep fellowship.
Ultimately we need to care enough about each other to speak the truth into each other's lives, whether it is a word of encouragement or a gentle correction, or whether it is making the effort to work out a problem in a relationship. It is much easier to remain silent when our brothers and sisters are hurting themselves or others, or when they have hurt us, but it is not the loving thing to do. Unfortunately, many Christians fail to mature in Christ because they have no one in their lives who love them enough to tell the truth, so they continue in self-destructive ways. We cannot help each other when our fear of conflict paralyses us. We cannot help each other when our fear of being misunderstood as judgmental prevents us from speaking a timely word. When we gloss over issues that might cause tension or discomfort, we do each other no favours. When we have church meetings and we play Mr. or Mrs. "Don't Rock the Boat," issues are not resolved, and people may leave with underlying frustrations. The only way to grow as a community is to have the courage to speak the truth to one another in love.
Historically the church has sometimes done a better job recognizing this than it does today. One example that comes to mind is John Wesley. John Ortberg writes this interesting piece concerning him:
In the movement associated with John Wesley, people met together in little communities to help hold each other accountable for their deepest values and most important decisions. Wesley had a beautiful phrase for this: He called it watching over one another in love.
Before someone entered into this community, they would be asked a series of questions to see if they were serious about living in mutual accountability. Sometimes when I speak on community I'll read these to church leaders, and ask them to imagine these questions being posed to attenders at their churches:
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Does any sin, inward or outward, have dominion over you? Do you desire to be told of your faults? Do you desire to be told of all your faults——and that plain and clear? (By this point, church leaders are inevitably laughing at even the idea of people putting up with such pointed questions.) Consider! Do you desire that we should tell you whatsoever we think, whatsoever we fear, whatsoever we hear concerning you? Do you desire that in doing this we should come as close as possible, that we should cut to the quick, and search your heart to the bottom? Is it your desire and design to be on this and all other occasions entirely open, so as to speak everything that is in your heart, without exception, without disguise, and without reserve? (John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal 'Till You Get to Know Them (Zondervan, 2003). |
Some of Wesley's language may sound hard today, rather too blunt, it may seem to us to have a judgmental tone, but we have to remember it was written in a very different social climate. And certainly the intent of such an examination was to build one another up, to encourage one another in the Christian walk. You certainly wouldn't feel alone as a Christian if someone cared enough about you to help expose the things that hurt you, and then helped you carry that burden.
This is precisely what Paul wrote to the churches in Galatia: "My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (6:1-2). Here Paul, like Wesley, encourages Christians to watch over one another in love. His command is that we care enough to carry each other's burdens, which in this context, certainly includes those sins that we struggle with and often cannot overcome on our own. Not to say anything to a brother or sister struggling with sin is to leave them to struggle alone. But our love must not stop with words–we must also do whatever else we can to help our brothers and sisters carry their burden.
Bill White tells a story which illustrates a creative way in which one Christian man helped carry the burden of another.
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Recently (he writes) I witnessed an unusual accountability partnership at my church.
In an effort to break his habit of using profanity, Paul started meeting with another guy from church, and they set up an aggressive plan for holiness. Each Sunday, Paul would report to William how many times he cussed during the week, and he'd put $5 in the offering plate for each incident. The first week cost Paul $100. Although following weeks improved somewhat, he wasn't having the success he wanted and was losing a lot of hard-earned cash.
After the fourth week, William told Paul he had unilaterally changed the deal for the coming week, but he wouldn't tell Paul how. Paul wanted to know, but all William would say was, "Trust me. It will cost you both less and more." The following Sunday before worship, Paul was looking a bit down, obviously having failed again. William put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Paul, this will cost you both less and more. It's called grace." At that he took out a check made out to the church, which he had dated and signed. Only the amount was blank. "Your sin still costs, but for you it's free. Just fill in the numbers. And next week there will be more grace."
That first week of grace cost William $55, but the second only cost him $20. There was no third week. It cost Paul too much to fill in those checks, so he quit sinning. |
How fortunate Paul was to have a friend who cared about him enough to enter into his struggle and help him carry his burden. That is what Christian community is all about. It involves holding truth and love together.
These two things must never be separated. Sometimes Paul's admonition to "speak truthfully to our neighbours" has been abused as a license to say anything we want to an erring brother or sister. But love demands that we always approach one another in a spirit of courtesy and consideration, based on the sincere motivation to build one another up, always having the other person's best interest at heart. Sometimes going to one another will in fact mean that we first confess our part if we are having a conflict. We don't come pre-armed with rapid fire accusations, "you've done this and this and this to hurt me," but we come saying, "I know that our relationship isn't what it should be, and I'm sorry for the way I've hurt you. Please forgive me." Only then should we go on to gently point out the ways in which we have been hurt. This will go against our sense of pride, but if pride keeps us from humility and reconciliation, then such pride is sin, and it must be overcome. Christians must always be willing to humble themselves before one another. "Let the same mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus...who took upon himself the very nature of a slave...and humbled himself and became obedient to death...even death on a cross." Jesus humbled himself when he was entirely in the right and we were entirely in the wrong. For the sake of Christian love and unity, Paul writes that in humility we are to consider others better than ourselves.
Conclusion: It is time to conclude. As we do so let us remember that community is a gift from God, a wonderful gift that brings us healing and hope in a world full of pain and alienation. Community provides us with a space where we are known deep inside, with our strengths and with our weaknesses, and still accepted, encouraged, and in love challenged to be all that we can be, for the sake of the Kingdom of God. May we therefore gladly recommit ourselves to building each other up through the mutual giving and receiving of encouragement, counsel and admonition. Such loving, honest communication will cultivate deep, joyful fellowship as together we grow up in all things into Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour.